A bunch of idiot environmentalist protesters Super Glued their hands to the door frame of the Raymond Congressional Building to try and get Congress to “declare a climate emergency.”

They need to spend less time protesting and more time reading the Constitution because “declare a climate emergency” means nothing.

It doesn’t grant Congress any extra powers.  It doesn’t grant the President any extra powers.  It doesn’t break the intractable partisan global warming issue.

It’s a meaningless gesture.

Nevertheless…

I have come up with a solution to these kinds of protests, where people tie, glue, chain, or handcuff themselves to something so the police cannot move them.

These people want to be there for the duration.  They are going to have to drink to sustain their energy.

The only thing they should be given is prune juice.  All-natural, healthy, prune juice.

Then lets see how long one of those protests lasts.

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By J. Kb

13 thoughts on “Non violent solution to some forms of protest”
  1. Unfortunately they always have “legal observers” present at these things, who provide snacks and water, video the event, and threaten to sue anyone who “interferes” by…trying to go around the protestors.

    1. The problem is that the other side respondes piecemeal or (very infrequently) equal amount of force. You need a overwhelming violent response to make them change tactics from violence to peaceful or simply go away.

      Somebody will eventually say “this is enough” and we will see a body count. My bet is in Portland.

  2. Well, if they’re blocking a primary building exit, they are probably breaking the fire code. Book them for that … They have no right to put other people’s lives at risk.

    1. Then again, if there is an actual fire, people will leave through them.
      For the non-emergency case, just leaving them alone until they depart on their own is sufficient.

  3. I remember reading about a protest (in the 1940s, I believe) by a group of women who chained themselves to trees on an island in the Potomac to prevent them from being cut down to build the Jefferson Memorial. It was a cool or cold day, and the park police, being nice people, provided the protestors with big mugs of coffee to keep them warm. Suddenly the protestors had to leave. The trees were cut down while the protestors were waiting in line at the bathroom.

  4. Meh, I’d leave them there, the 5-10 days it takes for super glue to peel off.

    After 3-4 bowel movements, THAT ought to be attractive!

    And, cordon off the area, so “nobody can provoke, tease, annoy or other wise interfere with the peaceful, nonviolent protest.”

    AND arrest all those who would so interfere.

    Like, carrying food or water, that MIGHT be thrown upon the innocent poor helpless protesters!

  5. yeah, make the ‘observers’ leave because they are loitering. Give them nothing or prune juice like you said. Also have the janitor mop the floors so they can’t sit down on a dry space. And if they get some mop water on them in the process, oh well. he can just fill it back up from the toilet. Suddenly develop problems with the air, or heat, whatever. Place a TV in plain view with a loop of Trump speeches on it at max volume. The key is removing the help that isn’t stuck. They have no reason to be there. They can observe from outside. Or arrest them for trespassing.

  6. Clear, odorless(?), Phenolphthalein? I think it was banned as a laxative because it was called carcinogenic? I think we still use it in analysis titration of acids and bases.

    My preference is to evacuate the area of everyone, except the stuckees. Convene a meeting to discuss the resolution of the protests. Adjourn the meeting with a noon meeting the next day to finish the discussion. Let them protest in peace for as long as they want.

Only one rule: Don't be a dick.

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