Wal-Mart: “Due to a number of public defecation incidents, we kindly ask Wal-Mart shoppers to only defecate in the stalls in the restrooms.”

Most People: “It’s their store, that sounds reasonable, even polite.”

Homeless Activists: “San Francisco says it’s my right to shit wherever I want.  How dare you infringe on muh right to drop a five-alarm chili deuce in an aisle?”

Wal-Mart: “It’s our store.  We’re open to the public, but it’s private property.”

Homeless Activist: “See you said ‘open to the public.’  That practically makes you a city street.  I can shit in your store wherever I want and then set up a tent and sleep in it if I like. Fuck you.”

Wal-Mart: “Please don’t.”

Homeless Activist: “We’ll see about that” *Goes into the produce aisle and leaves a brown Jackson Pollock painting on the floor by the tomatoes.*

Wal-Mart: “Sir, we’ve called the police.  You’re banned from the Wal-Mart.”

Homeless Activist: “But muh rights!!!”

Most People: “Jesus, what an asshole.”

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By J. Kb

8 thoughts on “Scene from a Wal-Mart In San Francisco”
  1. In a related story, Wal Mart has asked that pranksters no longer come out of the dressing rooms shouting, Hey, there’s no toilet paper in there!

      1. The analogy is spot on? I’d agree if it clearly pointed to the camo-wearing, tacticool vest wearing, slung-up AR-15 idiots. But it didn’t. I’ve been OC’ing for years, and I resent being compared to someone who craps on the sidewalk. You’ve been OC’ing for 15 years, does that description fit you? Somehow I doubt it. It doesn’t fit me, or any other OC’er I’ve seen. So help me out, apparently I’ve missed something here.

        1. Yes, I am openly criticizing the people going shopping at Wal-Mart like they are Blackwater in Baghdad.

          We have had open carry for years here in Alabama. I figured that Wal-Mart and Kroger might sort of look the other way if a regular shopper who had been open carrying for a long time continued to open carry, with a pistol half covered by a t-shirt, which is how I most often see it in Huntsville.

          But some assholes had to test Wal-Mart and rather than let local management have discretion, corporate had to come down with policy and that affects us all.

          I’m not a Wal-Mart shopper but I do my regular Saturday grocery shopping at Kroger. Now I have to make sure that I am totally concealed, which when it is boiling hot in Alabama in August can be a pain in the ass. So this change in policy brought about by the open carry extremists has fucked me over.

          If they keep up their shenanigans than maybe Kroger will react by banning all carry, the way target did. Then myself and millions of other gun owners will be royally fucked by the largest grocery chain in America (Kroger, Ralphs, Baker’s, Dillons, Smith’s, Fry’s, and Harris Teeter are all the same corporation).

          Maybe that’s why I’m a little less than grateful to these pricks, their “muh rights” temper tantrum cost me my actual rights.

          And I’m sorry if I hurt your feewings.

Only one rule: Don't be a dick.

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