From Fox News:
Suspected burglar crushed to death by 900-pound safe: police
A suspected burglar was found crushed to death by a 900-pound safe in an Indiana home this week, local authorities said.
Serves him right.
The Marion Police Department said they received a call on Tuesday from a man named George Hollingsworth who believed his garage was broken into. Hollingsworth told police that the door frame was damaged and the garage was so cluttered that he couldn’t tell what was stolen, according to a press release.
While cleaning out the garage on Wednesday to see what might have been stolen, Hollingsworth found a body underneath a 900-pound antique floor safe that had evidently fallen over, Deputy Chief Stephen D. Dorsey said.
Ewww…
“My mind couldn’t comprehend it,” Hollingsworth told Indianapolis’ FOX 59. “I would have rather seen him steal stuff and get out than die like that. What a horrible way to die.”
Eh… I have two gun safes in my garage. If some asshole breaks into my garage, tries to break into one of my safes and it ends up being squished into paste underneath it, I will not feel bad about that at all.
The Marion Fire Department helped Hollingsworth lift the safe and remove the body, according to police. Police identified the failed burglar as 28-year-old Jeremiah A. Disney, of Marion after an autopsy on Thursday. An investigation is ongoing.
How exactly do you do an autopsy on that? Just search through the goo and look for a drivers license?
There was a story I remember reading years ago – I can’t find it right now – of two burglars who tried to break into a guy’s gun safe. It fell over and pinned one of the burglars by the legs. His buddy ran off and left him.
The pinned burglar was found when the homeowner returned home and after being pinned for several hours ended up ending above the knees.
He was so upset about his new wheelchair bound condition that he ratted out his buddy who ran off and left him.
Both went to prison.
I have no idea if there were guns in that guy’s antique safe in Indiana, but knowing Marion, there may have been.
What I do know, is that my biggest concern isn’t for the burglar but my guns getting scratched and my optics being broken when the safe tipped over.
“The Marion Fire Department helped Hollingsworth lift the safe and remove the body, according to police.”
Was a fire hose employed to help “remove the body?” (evil snarly grin)
Ooooohhh… that was bad!
“My mind couldn’t comprehend it,” Hollingsworth told Indianapolis’ FOX 59. “I would have rather seen him steal stuff and get out than die like that. What a horrible way to die.”
Translation
I would rather file a insurance claim then clean up this mess.
I was the victim of a burglary at my previous home. Whenever I hear of a burglar perishing, whether it be from a homeowner shooting them, or in this case, being crushed to death, I always feel warm and fuzzy inside. It’s a completely avoidable way to die – just don’t victimize other people.
In the immortal words of Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle: “Think of it as evolution in action”.
One of my favorite quotes!
I dunno: it doesn’t seem to me that a tipping 900 # safe is enough to transform your basic Mark I, Mod Zero burglar into pate. Aspyxia, yeah. Multiple fractures, sure. Traumatic asphyxia ever, likely. But, paste? Naw, not so much, if’n I reckon right.
Poetic justice? You bet!
bona fides: ex Big City street medic, 30 + year ER nurse, er and urgent care PA.
Not wanting to deal with the mess Tuesday night the homeowner may have pushed some of the clutter up around the safe before reporting the burglary. Got some sleep after making report and then looked to see who’s ruby slippers were sticking out from under the safe.