1. We’ve had these calls a few times and now we have fun with them.
   One of the dudes, I spun him up so bad… I ran him in circles for about 5 minutes, “You mean my computer is corrupted? ‘Yes’ “How can you tell” ‘We are Microsoft we can tell’ “You can tell my machine is damaged?” ‘Yes’ “How can you tell that” ‘We just can and you need our help’ “Help for what?” ‘You’re computer’ “What about my computer?” And so on until he lost his patience ‘You just need to do this now or you’ll be in more trouble!’ And I replied “No, what you need to do is to get a real fking job you parasite. Stop trying to scam old people and idiots out of money and go WORK FOR A LIVING” and hung up on him.

   1minute later – phone rings.
   It’s him.

   ‘YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT DO ASSHOLE MAN YOU ARE BAD AND WILL GO DEVIL’
   and hung up on me.

   #Winning.

   1. So it seems we have the Westboro Baptist Computer Scammers ?

2. She makes a living scamming innocent people out of their identities and hard-earned money and you’re the one whose soul is corrupt?

   That’s rich.

3. I never get these calls, but sometimes wish I did. I have plans…. *maniacal laughter*

   One of my plans is, if they ask for an IP address to “remote” into, act like a n00b and have them walk me through getting it from my machine, but give them something from Homeland Security. Or the FBI.

   1. OHHHHH! I am saving that one.

4. Being an IT Admin myself, I have so much fun with these punks. I string them along, asking innocuous questions, until I decide the caller needs to give me some pointed information. Usually, when I ask for the hostname or IP address of the ‘corrupted’ machine, the call ends there, but I had a few fumbles from them trying to convince me they didn’t need to tell me what was wrong. After I call them on the errors in their ‘information’, the call always ends there.

   Ah, the small pleasures in life. The last one, you could just barely hear him sj1t his drawers over the other callers in their call center.

5. Mine:
   (with an India-area accent) “Sir are you at your computer?”
   “Yes.”
   “Is your computer on?”
   “No.”
   “Sir can you turn your computer on?”
   (After some ass-dragging and other delay) “Yes.”
   “Is the Windows screen fully loaded?”
   “Yes.”
   “Sir will you push the windows button and the “R” button and tell me what you see?”
   “Yes. Oh look.”
   “What do you see?”
   “It’s a picture of your mother!”
   “It’s what, sir?”
   It’s a picture of your mother and she’s with a goat!”
   “What sir?”
   “It’s a picture of your mother and she’s fucking a goat!”
   “Sir, I…”
   “Did you know your mother fucks goats?”
   CLICK

   “HAHAHAHAHA! That deserves the good single malt!”

6. “your soul is corrupt!”?
   Dude.
   I thought I was studly because I got some leftard to call me McCarthyist yesterday, but you have me beat. Hats off, I say hats off to you sir.

   1. [curtsy]

7. I did strut a little around the house afterward, I’ll admit.

   It’s fun when I drop the request for their email address so I can look them up in the address list so I can find their manager. They don’t like that track either and usually hang up, too 🙂

8. For a while in the mid ’00s, I received frequent calls from a “Miss Cleo” sounding woman, calling about a debt that had long since been paid. Hell, I still had the receipt in my important papers. It had been a measly $125.00. And the calls persisted for two years, until opening day of dove season. Ring, ring. “Hello”? *over exaggerated Caribbean accent* “Goddamnit I can’t take it anymore!” *fires top barrel of O/U, drops phone with line still open into the pickup bed, and saunters of to enjoy the hunt* She never did call again, nor did I ever receive any other calls about the matter.

9. The first time we got one of these, the guy had a strong East African accent. My wife answered the phone, they went through the routine. When she told them she was hanging up, he told here that she’d lose the house if she didn’t fix the computer. So, she brought me the phone, said the guy threatened to take our house (we rent!), and that it was a scam. When I got on, I started asking all kinds of questions, including what operating system I was using on the corrupt computer. Windows, he said. I said sorry, I don’t own any Windows computers. He then said that they’d come over to my house. I told him to go ahead and try it, I’d be ready for him, then lit into him about calling the FTC, FCC, FBI, etc. After a few more choice words, I hung up.

   So, we get another call yesterday. This time a guy with a heavy Indian accent. This time I lit into him before he could finish his first sentence. I told him that he needed to give up the scam and get a real job. Or at least be inventive, but I was bored with his standard scam. I said that stealing from people wasn’t a real job. I told him that honest men get honest jobs, and don’t scam people. At that point he hung up. I told my wife that this one was much easier to intimidate.

   I saw a great suggestion online. I recognize the caller ID now. So, the idea is to answer the phone as some police or sheriff department in the area. Apparently, they hang up immediately and never call back. That’s my next move.

10. I read on one of these blogs where he strung the scammer along saying he was on Windows 3.1.

    “You want to connect to my computer? Ok, let me launch AOL…

    Connecting…

    Connecting…

    Hang on, still connecting…”

11. Oh, the possibilities…

    “Well, how am I supposed to talk on the phone with you AND get on the Internet at the same time? Oh, I know! I have a car phone in my Merkur. Should I move the computer into the garage?”

    The art of the string along works best when they think they have a live one.

    “Just my luck! This computer worked great for 25 years, and NOW it starts giving me problems- when I’m selling a house. I do all my banking on this, so I really want to get it fixed. Thanks so much for noticing that I have a problem.”

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