I started a new job today and I am still coming out of the crud. No idea when I will be able to get some sort of normalcy, but it will probably take the rest of the week.

Good news: I have a daylight job, weekends off and holidays like a regular human being. Haven’t had that in possibly 40 years.

Reader Eric sent me this and I did need the chuckles.

Four Rules of Woman Safety:

1 – treat every woman as loaded, ready to go off at any time.

2 – keep your finger off her trigger until you are on target and ready to “fire”

3 – Don’t aim your woman at anything you aren’t willing to destroy. It may happen.

4 – Be aware of what’s around your target before aiming your woman at it. Are others safely clear of your woman?

Don’t forget that certain accessories are forbidden as they turn your regular woman into an assault woman. If your woman is under a certain length she must be registered on a form 1 or 4 with the AFT(ATF) before you can make or take possession of her. Also her purse isn’t allowed to hold more than 10 items in certain states. If you live in a state which allows it and you wish to quiet her yelling to a hearing safe level, be prepared to pay an extra tax, get finger printed, and go through an extensive background check before you begin your year long wait period to quiet her down. Remember that your woman is only allowed to speak one word per time you pull her finger unless she was born before 1986 and was properly taxed and registered with the government. If your woman violates these standards and you don’t hold a special license you can be subject to fines and imprisonment. I can’t wait to go pass my woman safety course and carry specialized expensive woman insurance so I can pick out my woman on the list of women certified for sale before waiting 10 days to take her home. Ahhhhh freedom.