What it’s like being married to me

Tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary.

My wife asked me, jokingly, what I got her and what we were going to do for it.

I reminded her that I had bought her tires at Sam’s Club and set up the service appointment and that she had to go over her lunch break and get them installed.

She asked “is that it?”

To which I responded “I just spent $700 on the finest hydroplane resistant, mountain snowflake rated, 70,000 mile, all season tires made by man.  I spent good money on the best tires I could so that you could be confident driving in a downpour when you are taking the kids to school.  What do you want, jewelry?  Will a necklaces get the kids safely to school when it’s raining?  Will earnings give you good traction in the snow when we drive to Indiana to visit your parents at Christmas time?  No, I don’t think so.  I love you and the kids so much I got you premium tires.  Mozel Tov!!!”

“That’s the most practical present I could ask for.  I love you too.”

“Happy anniversary.”

 

11 Replies to “What it’s like being married to me”

  1. “That’s the most practical present I could ask for.”

    In the immortal words of Admiral Ackbar: IT’S A TRAP!

    Better get that womyn of yours some chocolates, flowers and some jewelry or you’re going to be in the doghouse for a while, 😉

  2. Let me put it in a way that is easy to understand: You just bought the vehicular equivalent of the vacuum cleaner and gave it as anniversary gift.

    Two dozen roses and a day at the spa. Minimum.

  3. For our 15th I bought my bicycle obsessed wife a trunk rack for her car because she’s too short to use a roof rack. For our upcoming 25th she wants a new mountain bike. The right woman wants bikes more than baubles, or a nice rifle.

  4. None of you seems to have noticed the key to J. KB’s response to his wife’s question.

    He never actually answered it.

    Her question (“Is that it?”) required a yes/no answer. If you read his response closely, he *never* gave a yes/no answer to her question.

    Well played, sir!

  5. “Love” ….what is it? Well, my definition: Love is responsible action directed at the one you behold. Love is apart from FEELINGS–although feelings, can be a byproduct of responsible action. Love is a learned discipline–no one is born with it, it’s learned behavior. And it’s an on-going action which creates it’s own energy going forward.

    As a fellow engineer, allow me to assert that, cooking a favorite meal of both of you, on your anniversary would make those TIRES ride even smoother than they could otherwise. We can’t reinvent the wheel but we can make tires ride smoother.

  6. Hi. The Wife, here.

    Flowers in vases are temporary beauty. And a day at the spa is nice, but they never get all the kinks out of my shoulders.

    Also, I really needed new tires.

    And we’re probably going to get dinner too. No worries, bros. J is safe. 😉

    1. Dear Mrs. Wife,
      You have shown extraordinary acumen. I think that you should contribute to this blog on a regular basis — if you are so inclined.
      Happy Anniversary!

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