Cairo (BSNews Agency):

CNN’s host Anderson Cooper got his ass handed over by a mob today. According to CNN Producer Steve Brusk, Cooper was surrounded by a group of  people and hit him upon the head 10 times ruining his silver coiffure .  Mr. Cooper promptly sought refuge at the nearest hole and called his hairdresser for emergency assistance. In a self-interview, Christiane Amanpour announced that the mob that attacked Cooper were in reality Tea Party protesters disguised as Pro Mubarak supporters who chanted Anti Obama slogans and demanded the elimination of Obamacare.

Senator Barbara Boxer, appalled by the attacks on Cooper immediately called for a total ban of Assault Weapons and any restrict firearms to a maximum capacity of two rounds in the U.S. “It is weapons like this that allowed the attack on Mr. Cooper and it is time to end the madness. My legislation will guarantee peace in the streets of Cairo for generations to come.” said Senator Boxer.

In the meantime, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs blamed the events in Cairo and the attack on Cooper on the “Heated Rhetoric” coming from certain elements of the press. He called for a “tone down” by Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Ted Nugent reminding them that “we should seek peace above all other things. Right after the White House comments, Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she intends to introduce legislation to set once and for all the Fairness Doctrine as the law of the land. “There is no doubt in my mind that the situation in Egypt is directly related to the incendiary verbosity of the Right and they must be reigned in at all costs. Those evil merchants of hate, racists and seeking the extermination of every single  chicano in South California must be brought under control even if we have to arrest them for opening their mouths.”

President Obama’s teleprompter was not available for comment.