A number of years ago, I had the unfortunate responsibility of being the first person that a child told about sexual and physical abuse. I don’t regret one moment being the kind of person who that child felt comfortable (or at least less uncomfortable… such talks are NEVER comfortable) enough to talk to. I do regret that it was a talk that had to happen. That led to three years of horrible re-victimization of the child, as the courts wended their way through the course. The abuser ended up in jail (the Special Jail, way up north, and good riddance), and he’ll be there for the rest of his life. His sentence came to over 200 years. But I’d much rather the child never had to go through it at all.
I don’t know how many of you have ever been through a sexual assault or rape case (for adult OR child), but it’s a shit show. Basically, the person who was abused and harmed in one of the most intimate and trust-breaking ways ever, is forced to talk about what happened to them, in front of what amounts to an audience. Then they have to be questioned by their abuser’s lawyer, who brings up what they wore, how they acted, and what they said. They have to listen to their abuser tell them and that audience that they are just drama queens, liars, and sluts.
Did you know that if a rape or assault victim goes to therapy during the whole court process (anytime before the abuser is convicted), that their private therapy notes can be read openly in court, and used against them? It’s true. Did you know that their lawyer tells them that they are not allowed to emote in court? They’re supposed to simply sit there, with no emotion at all. Emotion can cause a jury or the judge to see things in a bad way, so they’re just supposed to be robots, basically. Did you know that their abuser’s lawyer can ask them questions like, “Did you ever get sexually aroused during the sexual activity?” and “Isn’t it true that you dressed that way to provoke sexual feelings in my client?” These are questions I have personally heard asked of someone who was 11 at the time her abuse began.
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