I had to make fun of this. I know it is from last year, but I just found out about it and it is too good to let it pass.
As she waited for six hours Monday afternoon to testify before the Texas state Senate Committee on Health and Human Services, she wrote an attention-grabbing poem titled “If My Vagina was a Gun.”
“I wanted to first appeal to their sense of personal liberty, which we feel strongly about here in Texas,” Heim said today in a phone interview. “Second, the best way to make a conservative white man feel uncomfortable is to say the word ‘vagina.’ So I said it over and over again.”
Source: Powerful : Pro-Choice Activist Reads A Poem Called “If My Vagina Was A Gun”
I am going to reply using the tired old excuses, slogans and assorted stupidity we get every day from the Gun Control side. Italics are mine.
If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights,
(Do you have a permit to carry that vagina?)
You would ride on buses and fight all the fights.
(Vaginas are too dangerous to be allowed in buses)
If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care,
(I would put your vagina with other confiscated vaginas and torch them or steam roll them)
You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there.
(That is why we need vagina confiscation)
If my vagina was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private
(Vaginas must be regulated. In fact teddy bears have more regulations than vaginas)
From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot.
(That is insurrectionist talk, treason talk. You are against Democracy)
If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected,
(You don’t have a right to a vagina unless you are part of the militia)
no matter the body count or the children affected.
(We need more Vagina Free Zones so the kids can be safe)
If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security,
(That is a threat! You are mentally unstable! We need mental tests before allowing vaginas!)
concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity.
(There should be mandatory Stop and Frisk at every public location so people do not carry concealed vaginas)
If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you,
(You don’t need a vagina. The government will keep you safe)
I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do.
(Vaginas for hunting are nothing more than sniper vaginas. And why would you want to kill Bambi?)
But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing,
(We cannot tolerate in our society that people own high-capacity vaginas)
With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring.
(We need to vote out of office those lawmakers who are in the pocket of the Vagina Lobby)
Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic,
(You are just compensating for the size of your mate’s penis may it be natural or artificial)
So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic.
(We are doing it for the children. We know what is best for you)
My vagina’s here to demand from the source,
(More threats from an irrational Vagina Owner. Next thing they will demand the carry of Open Vaginas on campus)
Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.
(90% of Vagina Owners agree we need Universal Background checks before you can use your vagina)
You can add your own take in the comments. Have fun!
Hat Tip to Andrew Branca.
If my vagina was a gun, It would be a “pee shooter”.
Vaginas are dangerous enough without the ability to hurl dense metal projectiles at high speed.
I saw a high-capacity vagina once — it was a bit scary! :O
I think I’ve seen that video.
Blood will run in the streets
Community Vagina
We must take vaginas away from our veterans
In Iran.
Two words: Poll tax
We must close the vagina-show loophole!
I need faster reloads on my vagina.
Is this an open carry state or do I have to keep my vagina concealed.
When you go to the shooting range with your buddy, if you ask nicely he will probably let you try out his vagina.
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a vagina is a good guy with a vagina.
Two words: NY Reload.
Lucky guy.
Vagina violence.
My vagina is cocked, locked, and ready to rock.
Mom #1: Do you have vaginas in your house? I’m not sure if little johnny can come over for a play date if you do.
Mom #2: Yes, we have 3 vaginas. But we dont just leave our vaginas lying around. We have a vagina safe, and we keep our vaginas locked up.
I just bought a new hunting vagina!
If guns were vaginas, suppressors would never ever have been included in the NFA.
Steel vaginas are real vaginas.
This is the most powerful vagina in the world. It will blow your head clean off.
I’ve seen that video, too.
Evil black vagina.
You’re not a true feminist unless you are anti-vagina.
Totally true. Have you seen what they complain about?
They are paying $100 if you turn in your vagina at the vagina buyback this weekend.
in Iran?
Perhaps a vagina for the little lady.
Simply having a vagina in the home makes it 1,000% more likely that you will die.
Why do you think I’m still single?
Only the military and the police should have vaginas.
He’s a vagina enthusiast.
Most men are, if we’re going to be honest. And a few women.
Can you believe they even have vaginas designed for children? A neighbor bought a vagina for his son and they were using it in the back yard! The son was having some trouble, so the dad showed him how to work the vagina and how to not get his finger pinched. Their younger daughter wanted her own vagina, but the mom said she would have to be older first. I called the cops, but was told they were using the vagina within local ordinances.
Headline: Police say that suspect had a vagina hidden in her vagina.
If guns are vaginas, then what do you call a shooting range?
I went to the vagina shop on my lunch hour. I had no intention of buying anything. I just wanted to fondle a few vaginas.
Brothel owners don’t like it when you do that.
People buy vaginas because they have a small penis.
Hahahahaha! 😀
The founding fathers could never have foreseen the types of vaginas that we have today.
You’re really on a roll now! 😀
It shows what happens when vaginas are left unattended… LOL
If we ban vaginas there will be no more suicides.
That may actually work.
Yeah, I’ve got a rape whistle… MY VAGINA!
Perhaps a PINK vagina for the little lady.
Vaginas for wee, but not for the.
Vagina Porn.
I’ll just be here cleaning my vagina.
My wife gets so mad when I bring home a new vagina.
I’m a conservative White man with two females in my home. I have NO PROBLEM talking about or dealing with vaginas or vagina related issues.
Cosmo says: If he has a vagina in the home, don’t date him!
Ha! 😀
1) I love how her stated goal was to make legislators uncomfortable. Because that is exactly how to win people over. This is emotional terrorism.
2) What is with liberal feminist focus on vaginas anyway? Nobody is trying to regulate that. At all. The question is about abortion. I’m not going to take a side on that here, but what the left needs to understand is that the conservatives who do want to regulate abortion do so because OF A GENUINE DESIRE TO PROTECT THE LIFE OF AN UNBORN CHILD.
3) That this woman compares guns to vaginas means she doesn’t understand gun laws, gun culture, or conservatism at all. She’s proving Reagan right.
Forget the political imagery. How literate is she? Doesn’t she know that “if-then” statements contrary to fact require the subjunctive case? “If my vagina WERE a gun.” And we let people like that testify to legislative committees?
“the best way to make a conservative white man feel uncomfortable is to say the word ‘vagina.’’
No, dear, that’s the best way to convince ANYBODY that you’re an obsessed lunatic – and you have succeeded admirably.
“the best way to make a conservative white man feel uncomfortable is to say the word ‘vagina.’’
And the best way to drive a libtard chick up the wall is to simply be white, Christian, male, conservative… unashamedly.
Of course, chanting “Penis penis penis!” at her helps too.
She’s compensating for her vagina with a gun.
Janet, you are absolutely hilarious!
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