From an anonymous UPS delivery driver…
5 types of customers since the “rona”:
1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
May God have mercy on us all.
OK, I guess I missed the memo somehow and I will admit to being clueless. Will someone please define “The Rona” for me?
Thank you
Short for Coronavirus. No idea where it come from
I’m assuming it’s an attempt to get around the censor bots on the social media sites.
“Rona”, as in “Corona”.
I like Steve, he reminds me a little of me.
I still prefer “ChiCom Flu.” Truer to it’s origins.
Except for the Boiler Makers I relate to Steve.
My lady, on the other hand, doesn’t show up in this list. She’s the paranoid one, spraying everything that comes into the house, doing the social distancing and making sure that we “follow the rules”. But she also made sure that we had all the things we needed before hand.
Though she did get mad at me because I didn’t remember exactly where the respirator was. It was on the shelf instead of in the drawer…. And she was even more upset that I hadn’t cleaned it before handing it to her.
Original purchase was for doing woodworking and spray painting. So I had two plus extra filters.